I pissed on my cat today.
Well, one of my cats.
We have two.
The older one is a long hair female.
The younger one is a short hair male.
Still a kitten really,
But close to adulthood.
He’s the one I pissed on.
He’s curious and loves to play.
The female cat hates him.
She’s probably happy I pissed on him.
It happened in the bathroom.
Thank goodness, right?
I swear it wasn’t my fault.
Except I left the door open.
He wandered in
To see what the commotion was.
The commotion was me.
Pissing.
It was one of those early morning pisses.
Long and hot.
Dark yellow.
You know.
Piss.
The cat stood up on his hind legs.
He peered into the bowl.
He could do that
Since I was standing.
Yes.
I am a man.
A man who pissed on a cat.
I mentioned before how the cat is curious.
And I’ve worried about that curiosity before.
Especially while pissing.
He’s jumped to climb my leg to get to my car keys before.
I thought about that then.
Not to brag, but I’m bigger than my car key.
Wink.
And right then I was exposed.
One curious leap and …
…
Honestly, I don’t want to think about it.
Just believe me.
I was worried.
So believe me when I say
I did not expect him to jump up on the rim of the bowl
To get a better look.
At the piss.
I guess.
He’s a male cat.
I assumed he knew how this worked.
Then it happened.
I simply could no longer resist.
Despite everything running through my mind
All the anxiety and confusion
About a cat watching me piss.
I could no longer hold back.
I yawned.
It was a morning piss.
I don’t really wake up for an hour or more after.
Yawns are expected.
A yawn while pissing isn’t a major ordeal.
Usually.
Maybe you splash a little.
Maybe you clean up after.
I’m certain I do.
Wink.
But never before
In all my pissing.
Had I yawned with a cat on the bowl.
I’m not sure,
What happened.
Exactly.
Did my aim stray?
No, that never happens.
Wink.
Did the cat reach in to touch the piss?
Taste it?
Eww.
Or lose balance?
No idea.
Two seconds later
Two seconds of
Screaming cat
Splashing water
And piss
My yawn ended.
Piss was everywhere.
My cat?
Gone.
Damage done,
I finished.
I flushed.
And then
I went back to bed.
I know a sign when I see one.